Friends and Family – BEWARE!

It’s only natural to want to include your friends and family in your most special day. And I agree…to a point, that is.

Sure, being surrounded by loved ones and having your sister or bestest buddy by your side while you and your groom exchange vows and pledge yourselves to each other for eternity is a wonderful feeling. And you couldn’t imagine not including your girlfriends in your wedding party or having anyone else but your Mom throw you a beautiful wedding shower. After all, these special individuals have stuck by you through the good and bad times, so why not let them make your special day even more special? Right!? Well, not necessarily.

Definitely incorporate family and friends in your wedding party. Let them throw you an engagement party, wedding shower, or bachelorette party. But PLEASE, PLEASE reconsider “hiring” them to be your photographer, caterer, wedding planner, officiate, florist, videographer, linen vendor, cake maker, etc….From my 15+ years of experience in this industry, I’ve NEVER seen this situation work out flawlessly for the wedding couple. Something always goes wrong.

BRIDE BEWARE- Weddings are very stressful. Having friends and family responsible for your wedding day details will cause even higher levels of stress, aggravation, and frustration. I’m sure you are thinking, “Well, this would never happen to me, my aunt/friend/cousin/parent/sibling would never do that to me!” Read on, you may reconsider your thinking.

Downfalls of Hiring Friends and Family as Vendors

• Lack of professionalism. Unprofessionalism will cause unnecessary wedding day stress. This behavior can result if your friend or family member feels like she/he is doing you a favor.

Consider this…in their view, your wedding may just be a “side gig” and thus, it will not be a top priority. FFV (Friend and Family Vendors) may take forever to return calls or e-mails, miscommunication may result because FFVs think they “know you” and “think they know exactly what you want.” Do you really want to risk your wedding day? Perhaps you are getting a discount or a free service. This situation is even more reason to worry your special day may not be a priority.

Have you been to other weddings your “DJ friend” has done? I’ve been at a wedding where the groom’s friend was a “musician,” and DJ’d the wedding for free. You just need some good tunes from an I-Pod, right? Not so, a DJ also serves as the MC for the night making sure all special events flow correctly and on time. Special care is taken to know the sequence of a wedding. At the aforementioned wedding, the musician friend had no wedding DJ experience, YIKES! He had no idea how to properly cue introductions, toasts, dances, and dinner. It was downright embossing!

• Are FFV’s wedding guests or wedding vendors? Your friends want to enjoy your special day with you, dancing, eating and drinking. Yes, drinking! So what will your photos or video look like after your FFV has had four or five drinks? What if key events are missed because he or she was eating or socializing? Are FFVs supposed to enjoy the night with you as a guest, or are they expected to work the night as a vendor? This can be a touchy and difficult subject to address.
• Can your friends and family take criticism? It’s hard not to take it personally. Feelings WILL get hurt; you may even lose a friend. Do you want to risk it? It may be hard to tell your florist friend her “vision” isn’t “your” vision. What if the table linens are not even close to what you wanted….it would be hard not to let emotions get the best of you with your FFV. How about a wedding cake that turns out raw in the middle from your baker friend and you can’t serve it for dessert? Now what?! Or, your best friend ( who is also your maid of honor) offers to decorate the reception room. On the day of, she is running late and forgets key elements of the reception decorations in order to be on time for hair and make-up with your bridal party. Now what?! Panic quickly sets in and emotions run high. Doesn’t sound like a fun way to start your wedding day.

Friends do not let Friends be their wedding vendors. At the very least, even if you do decide to use FFVs, hire a wedding planner as a middle-man to diffuse dilemmas that will inevitably come up. YOU do not need to be the bad guy and you do not need the extra stress!